(Eddie himself scarcely knows a thing about it. Or rather, he had when he first arrived in Avagi. The conversation he had had with Clara had been eye-opening and intense. It had worked its way into him and took hold where it mattered the most. His head still felt loud afterwards, but for once, not with his mother's voice. With everything else.
His mouth feels a little dry listening to Eddie, and for the first time in a while, when he takes a small breath in, he wonders if he could use his inhaler. His exhale his a little bit of a wheeze, and he doesn't quite know why he felt panicky.
Eddie wants to reach out to touch Richie, but it felt a little bit like maybe he shouldn't.)
What do you mean would it be real? (His eyes swing up to briefly glance at Richie before he fails to hold contact and is staring back down at his hands. Richie's hands.)
I hear that at Juniper's, they electrocute them. To try and make their brains go straight.
It's different from having a cold. [He's heard people back in Derry say it's a disease, but he doesn't understand how. Even if it is some kind of sickness in the head? There's worse people out there. He knows that--all the losers know that.] Is it really something that can be cured? Isn't that more of changing someone than making them better? Forcing them to be something they're not?
[Richie doesn't know. He doesn't have the right answers and there's part of him that's terrified of having this conversation at all. The mere mention of electrocution makes him want to cringe. The problem with a creative mind and an active imagination is being able to see this all too clearly: men in white with a hand on each of Eddie's shoulders, dragging him away. The sound of electricity zapping, Eddie screaming--
He doesn't say any of the things he wants to say, instead abruptly reaching over for Eddie's hand.] If that didn't kill them, it would fry their brains up like carnival food. [That unwanted thought returns: Eddie being more of a zombie than anything, being a shell of the vibrant person he's supposed to be. He hates this so much.]
(Eddie doesn't respond right away. He stares at Richie's chest, because as Richie talks, he feels a rush of heat pushing through his skin and all the way up into his face.
It was that same dizzying flush he got when Clara first mentioned things. When Sideswipe did. It felt a little bit like he was sitting in the middle of class and suddenly everyone was looking right at him. It was a similar feeling to the day Richie saw his vision with the Leper. More pronounced because Richie knew him so well that a part of Eddie thought, or realized, there was really no hiding anything from his best friend.
Not when Richie was as smart as he was.
Eddie snaps out of his worries the moment Richie takes his hand and he can feel his face go a little redder. Eddie stares down at their hands. He almost laughs hysterically then, because gosh.
He's not a dumbass. He realizes that his friends touch way more than normal friends. Wasn't this sort of what queer people did too? Just hold hands but with boys. Kiss each other and hug each other but just with boys.
Eddie can't help but give a high-pitched, sort of unsettling laugh.)
[When Eddie laughs, Richie's immediately looking over at him. It's the sort of laugh that Richie recognizes from Eddie, but it's not one that he hears a lot. As good of a read as he is of Eddie, he can't begin to imagine what Eddie's thinking about, what pulled that unfunny laugh from him.
Instead of saying anything else at all, he leans over and wraps his arms around Eddie's shoulders, pulling him close into a tight hug. It's the best he can do right now, and really, it's as good for him as it is for Eddie. Because after his mind wandered off like it did, he needs the reminder that Eddie is here with him. Safe.]
(Eddie doesn't know what to say. Or to think really. He sinks into the hug and just rests in it. He was lucky, he knows, to have this. To have Richie. Richie who wasn't sneering at the idea or being grossed out. Richie who honestly sounded frightened. But not of what it is to be queer, but rather of what happens when you are.
Eddie presses his face into Richie's neck. Sometimes he really did wish his head would cool it with everything. Between the loudness, his mother, and now....
He shuts his eyes harder and...He shakes his head.)
Sorry you gotta deal with all my dumb psycho stuff.
[He combs his hand through Eddie's hair. There's been so much, constantly, in the past month or so, that all Richie wants is for him to have just a day--a week, even, of nothing happening that makes Eddie feel bad or worried or anything.
If anyone deserves a break, it's Eddie.] You're my best friend and you're always gonna be. [His voice gets a little quieter.] It's an honor to have you back.
(Eddie felt bad still. They'd get their break eventually, he hoped. The Losers had come in during a month that seemed to be prime for ruining them.
Except it didn't really ruin them, did it? Eddie realized after everything, he felt stronger in some ways.
It felt good to know Richie would always have his back. Eddie already knew that but hearing it said out loud, particularly after such an intense conversation, felt reaffirming.)
You're always gonna be mine too, Richie.
(Without a doubt. He sits back and smiles at Richie a little toothily.)
An honor? Jeez. I thought I was supposed to be the cute one.
[Richie leans back, and now that all of this is out there, even if they've danced around this indirectly. They're on the same page, they're still friends. Nothing could possibly matter more than that.]
You are, I'm just a mirror reflecting the cute back to you.
[Does that make sense? He doesn't even care. He just wants Eddie to be happy.]
(It's just ridiculous enough that Eddie laughs, and this time, it's a much happier, normal laugh for him. He covers his face, giggling behind his hands, half out of amusement and half out of relief.
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His mouth feels a little dry listening to Eddie, and for the first time in a while, when he takes a small breath in, he wonders if he could use his inhaler. His exhale his a little bit of a wheeze, and he doesn't quite know why he felt panicky.
Eddie wants to reach out to touch Richie, but it felt a little bit like maybe he shouldn't.)
What do you mean would it be real? (His eyes swing up to briefly glance at Richie before he fails to hold contact and is staring back down at his hands. Richie's hands.)
I hear that at Juniper's, they electrocute them. To try and make their brains go straight.
no subject
It's different from having a cold. [He's heard people back in Derry say it's a disease, but he doesn't understand how. Even if it is some kind of sickness in the head? There's worse people out there. He knows that--all the losers know that.] Is it really something that can be cured? Isn't that more of changing someone than making them better? Forcing them to be something they're not?
[Richie doesn't know. He doesn't have the right answers and there's part of him that's terrified of having this conversation at all. The mere mention of electrocution makes him want to cringe. The problem with a creative mind and an active imagination is being able to see this all too clearly: men in white with a hand on each of Eddie's shoulders, dragging him away. The sound of electricity zapping, Eddie screaming--
He doesn't say any of the things he wants to say, instead abruptly reaching over for Eddie's hand.] If that didn't kill them, it would fry their brains up like carnival food. [That unwanted thought returns: Eddie being more of a zombie than anything, being a shell of the vibrant person he's supposed to be. He hates this so much.]
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It was that same dizzying flush he got when Clara first mentioned things. When Sideswipe did. It felt a little bit like he was sitting in the middle of class and suddenly everyone was looking right at him. It was a similar feeling to the day Richie saw his vision with the Leper. More pronounced because Richie knew him so well that a part of Eddie thought, or realized, there was really no hiding anything from his best friend.
Not when Richie was as smart as he was.
Eddie snaps out of his worries the moment Richie takes his hand and he can feel his face go a little redder. Eddie stares down at their hands. He almost laughs hysterically then, because gosh.
He's not a dumbass. He realizes that his friends touch way more than normal friends. Wasn't this sort of what queer people did too? Just hold hands but with boys. Kiss each other and hug each other but just with boys.
Eddie can't help but give a high-pitched, sort of unsettling laugh.)
Jesus fuck.
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Instead of saying anything else at all, he leans over and wraps his arms around Eddie's shoulders, pulling him close into a tight hug. It's the best he can do right now, and really, it's as good for him as it is for Eddie. Because after his mind wandered off like it did, he needs the reminder that Eddie is here with him. Safe.]
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Eddie presses his face into Richie's neck. Sometimes he really did wish his head would cool it with everything. Between the loudness, his mother, and now....
He shuts his eyes harder and...He shakes his head.)
Sorry you gotta deal with all my dumb psycho stuff.
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[He combs his hand through Eddie's hair. There's been so much, constantly, in the past month or so, that all Richie wants is for him to have just a day--a week, even, of nothing happening that makes Eddie feel bad or worried or anything.
If anyone deserves a break, it's Eddie.] You're my best friend and you're always gonna be. [His voice gets a little quieter.] It's an honor to have you back.
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Except it didn't really ruin them, did it? Eddie realized after everything, he felt stronger in some ways.
It felt good to know Richie would always have his back. Eddie already knew that but hearing it said out loud, particularly after such an intense conversation, felt reaffirming.)
You're always gonna be mine too, Richie.
(Without a doubt. He sits back and smiles at Richie a little toothily.)
An honor? Jeez. I thought I was supposed to be the cute one.
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You are, I'm just a mirror reflecting the cute back to you.
[Does that make sense? He doesn't even care. He just wants Eddie to be happy.]
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They would be okay. Everything would be okay.
They were still best friends, after all.)