(Eddie sees that list being flung around and he instantly snatches it out of Richie's hand. He drops onto his stomach and uncaps a red marker he had found and scribbles in his own addition to the top of the list. He pops the marker's cap back on before setting the list carefully in front of him.)
No. (He puts his chin into his hand and stares at Richie rather thoughtfully.)
...Do I come off like a faggot? Henry was always-. I know he called you guys stuff like that too...But that was like. His main way of bullying me.
[Richie immediately straightens. No more half-joking about the list even though he absolutely means it. No, this is time to completely serious.]
No way. Like--you don't wear dresses and stuff. [He frowns.] You're small and don't look like a slob. That don't mean nothing, Eds. He's just--he was a prick, and he picks out the easiest thing. If you had glasses like mine, he would've gone after you for that first.
I would never. (Eddie says gravely and seriously. He might be inclined towards softer, prettier things, maybe, but not like that. He bites at his lip, working it between his teeth.)
Is it bad that I'm like- I don't know. (Soft. The word brushes through his mind, but doesn't stick.)
I guess. (It's a valid enough point. Bill had his stutter, Ben was fat, Mike was black, Bev was a girl, Stan was a Jew, and Richie was well...
The glasses, sure, but what else was there to make fun of? Eddie stares up at Richie. A small smile works its way onto his face and that marker gets uncapped again. He writes a small little '12. Glasses' at the end of the list and draws a little pair of glasses right next to them. Just to emphasize the point.)
Well I like glasses. I guess Henry Bowers is a real chum. I mean, sometimes I think I should try and be more tough and um- I don't know. You know. More rough. But I try and just feel awkward and dumb.
[Richie watches Eddie add another item to the list, but he refuses to think much about it. Glasses could mean anything, after all. Besides, this is Eddie's list. Not the time or place to think about how he has glasses too. As if that's the only place where he fits on the list.]
You don't have to do that, you know. [He nudges at Eddie.] You're perfect like you are, you know? You don't gotta try to be anything else. Besides, you're plenty tough when it matters.
(Glasses could mean anything, it's true enough. A lot of people wore glasses, after all. What was so special? And yet, this was Eddie Kaspbrak. He rarely did anything flippantly.
Eddie's eyes swing up to Richie, and he can feel heat crawling into his face. Eddie knew he wasn't perfect at all. He was a crazy queer. God. His eyes fall down and he crawls forward the few inches between them and presses his face against Richie's leg. How could Richie even be friends with someone like him?)
Why do you even think so highly of me? I'm-. (Fucked up. In every possible way. Eddie rolls his head over to look up at Richie, his eyes burning.)
I guess I just don't want people to look at me and just see-. (That.)
Because you're good, Eddie. You're smart and kind and fun and--and everything a guy could want to have in a best friend.
[He looks down at Eddie, combing his fingers through his hair.]
They don't see that. They see a boy who makes up for his size by being fierce and brave. Someone who'll do anything for his friends, someone who'll do something they don't want to do but will do it 'cause someone's gotta. That's goddamn heroism, Eds. That's what you are.
(Richie had a rare kind of talent in making people feel worth so much more than they might otherwise. His dumb nicknames, his weird way of encouragements. There's an upsurge of warmth that crackles through his chest and explodes somewhere in his belly, fluttering wildly out of control, and Eddie has to hide his face away in Richie's thigh to conceal how hotly he was blushing.
Eddie pulls up to sit on his knees, and then he's leaning forward to wrap his arms around Richie in a tight hug, his heart thumping hard enough that he was half convinced Richie could hear it.)
Man, I really feel bad for other boys out there.
(He doesn't clarify what he means exactly, but as he leans back, he gives Richie a soft kiss on his cheek. It's the first one since their goodbye, and carries as much weight. Kissing Richie was never a flippant thing. Kissing for Eddie period was important- regardless of which of the Losers he was kissing, but for Richie, there was prolonged space in the kiss, and finally Eddie breaks it and moves to sit back on his calves just next to Richie.
[Richie grins; he never really can get enough affection and attention in general, and either of those things from Eddie are the most important. He can't quite say why, except for that of course the best sorts of hugs and kisses come from his best friend. Isn't that the same for everyone?
Once Eddie is settled beside him, he pets him on the back.]
Why's that? 'Cause no one's as awesome as you?
[For a smart boy he really doesn't get it sometimes.]
(Eddie tips his head to the side to stare at Richie, and slowly, a smile evolves on his face. Richie was so dumb. Though Eddie wasn't all that aware himself, he was still at least a little more aware enough to reach out and grab a handful of Richie's hair to gently tug his head back and forth playfully.)
Exactly.
(He lets go of Richie's hair a second later, smoothing his hand through it a second later to neaten out what he fucked up.)
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No. (He puts his chin into his hand and stares at Richie rather thoughtfully.)
...Do I come off like a faggot? Henry was always-. I know he called you guys stuff like that too...But that was like. His main way of bullying me.
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No way. Like--you don't wear dresses and stuff. [He frowns.] You're small and don't look like a slob. That don't mean nothing, Eds. He's just--he was a prick, and he picks out the easiest thing. If you had glasses like mine, he would've gone after you for that first.
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Is it bad that I'm like- I don't know. (Soft. The word brushes through his mind, but doesn't stick.)
I guess. (It's a valid enough point. Bill had his stutter, Ben was fat, Mike was black, Bev was a girl, Stan was a Jew, and Richie was well...
The glasses, sure, but what else was there to make fun of? Eddie stares up at Richie. A small smile works its way onto his face and that marker gets uncapped again. He writes a small little '12. Glasses' at the end of the list and draws a little pair of glasses right next to them. Just to emphasize the point.)
Well I like glasses. I guess Henry Bowers is a real chum. I mean, sometimes I think I should try and be more tough and um- I don't know. You know. More rough. But I try and just feel awkward and dumb.
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You don't have to do that, you know. [He nudges at Eddie.] You're perfect like you are, you know? You don't gotta try to be anything else. Besides, you're plenty tough when it matters.
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Eddie's eyes swing up to Richie, and he can feel heat crawling into his face. Eddie knew he wasn't perfect at all. He was a crazy queer. God. His eyes fall down and he crawls forward the few inches between them and presses his face against Richie's leg. How could Richie even be friends with someone like him?)
Why do you even think so highly of me? I'm-. (Fucked up. In every possible way. Eddie rolls his head over to look up at Richie, his eyes burning.)
I guess I just don't want people to look at me and just see-. (That.)
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[He looks down at Eddie, combing his fingers through his hair.]
They don't see that. They see a boy who makes up for his size by being fierce and brave. Someone who'll do anything for his friends, someone who'll do something they don't want to do but will do it 'cause someone's gotta. That's goddamn heroism, Eds. That's what you are.
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Eddie pulls up to sit on his knees, and then he's leaning forward to wrap his arms around Richie in a tight hug, his heart thumping hard enough that he was half convinced Richie could hear it.)
Man, I really feel bad for other boys out there.
(He doesn't clarify what he means exactly, but as he leans back, he gives Richie a soft kiss on his cheek. It's the first one since their goodbye, and carries as much weight. Kissing Richie was never a flippant thing. Kissing for Eddie period was important- regardless of which of the Losers he was kissing, but for Richie, there was prolonged space in the kiss, and finally Eddie breaks it and moves to sit back on his calves just next to Richie.
He certainly felt better.)
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Once Eddie is settled beside him, he pets him on the back.]
Why's that? 'Cause no one's as awesome as you?
[For a smart boy he really doesn't get it sometimes.]
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Exactly.
(He lets go of Richie's hair a second later, smoothing his hand through it a second later to neaten out what he fucked up.)